Resident Chicken: A Random Mix of Dumb Ideas
by xxWalkingDisasterxx
Summary: RESIDENT EVIL EXTINCTION SPOILERS! Well...I need something to vent out my ideas in! So here's a bunch of random ideas thrown into a salad bowl and stirred with a stick! Not particularily funny....just random... Rated for Language and Mild Content XD


**Hello! I am very bored, and currently in infotech class. My best friend Jonathan is helping me write random Robot Chicken-ish stories! Wheeeeeeeee! Enjoy.**

Wesker: God, I'm freaking starving! –Pulls up to McDonald's drive through window-

Nemesis: -is wearing a paper hat and ugly McDonald's uniform- S.T.A.R.S.

Wesker: Umm…do you work here?

Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S. –nods-

Wesker: well…I'll take the Happy Meal. With a toy.

Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S.?

Wesker: Root beer.

Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S?

Wesker: -sighs- Yes, I want a cheeseburger. And no pickles! Or I'll murder you.

Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S. –snickers as he prepares Wesker's happy meal-

Wesker: I-Its not for me! …it's for my daughter.

Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S. –snickers disbelievingly as he finishes burger-

Wesker: Hurry up, you eyesore.

Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S.! –growls irritably-

Wesker: -begins cleaning teeth and looking at self in sunglasses-

Nemesis: -while Wesker's not looking, he spits in burger and then puts in two old moldy pickles then passes Wesker the burger- S.T.A.R.S!

Wesker: Yeah, whatever. –drives off quickly without paying-

Wesker: -as he's driving he laughs- Haha, stupid suckers! –takes bite of burger then spits it out onto the car behind him- Blasphemy! Idiot put pickles on the damn burger!

**(blank)**

Yoko: -works extremely quickly on computer-

Mark: -works at pace near Yoko-

-two continue to race-

Yoko: -finishes- HA! I FINISHED SOLITAIRE FIRST!

Mark: Dammit!

Cindy: -stares at screen in frustration- Guys, I need a one, but all I've got left is a card with an "A"!

Yoko: -sighs- Blondes.

**(blank)**

Rebecca: Oh my God! There are zombies everywhere! Billy, I'm scared!

Billy: Your mom!

Rebecca: -sighs- Billy, no really! Where are all the S.T.A.R.S. team?

Billy: With your mom.

Rebecca: And where did all these scary monsters come from?

Billy: Your mom!

Rebecca: -eyes twitches with annoyance- Who're you gay with?

Billy: Your mo- HEY!

**(blank)**

Alfred: -looks at Steve- I dare you to put this –holds up ketchup packet- on this –holds up orange- and then eat it!

Steve: -looks around- well….all right…-pours ketchup on orange then stuffs it in mouth-

Alfred: Wow. You're an idiot.

Steve: See! I'm fi- begins throwing up everywhere-

Claire: -walks in- Steve! I decided! I'll go out with you! –gets puke on her jacket- CONSIDER US OVER!

Steve: -holding stomach- Damn it! Today can't get worse, can it? –throws up more and gets it on Alexia's dress-

Alexia: -stares blankly for a second- You have five seconds.

Steve: Meep! –runs-

**(blank)**

Alice: You can't beat me, Wesker.

Wesker: Like hell I can't!

Alice: -her clones appear out of nowhere and stand behind her in formation, Wesker stares on in awe- Did you really think it would be that easy?

Wesker: For a minute there...yeah...I kinda did. -Kill Bill music starts-

**(blank)**

Alfred: Why does no one take me seriously?! I mean, I am extremely villainous, I have a laugh that strikes fear into the hearts of all who hear it, and I have a sniper rifle! That is such an evil weapon!

Birkin: Maybe it's because

**A)** The closest thing to villainy you've done was attacking Claire and somehow missing every single time.

**B)** Your laugh doesn't strike fear in their hearts: It just makes them want to go smash their heads against the walls and staple their ears shut.

and** C)** Your sniper rifle doesn't even have a scope. It was a freaking laser pointer. That's completely useless for a sniper rifle.

Alfred: Leon's weapons have laser dots!

Birkin: His sniper rifle doesn't.

Alfred: -looks annoyed- Well...what have _you _donethat was so evil?

Birkin: I invented a virus that caused the death of thousands of people, turned them into zombies, and then made a virus that mutated myself into a giant monster, and caused the deaths of many.

Alfred: Well...shut up.

**(blank)**

-At the end of Resident Evil: Extinction-

Alice: -looks at all her clones- Naruto, eat your heart out! -laughs evilly-

**(blank)**

Jill: -notices the ceiling is coming down- Oh my God! -runs to the door and begins pulling on handle, but its locked- Barry! Wesker! Heeeelpp!

Wesker: -appears behind Jill- Did you call me?

Jill: -blinks- How'd you get in here?

Wesker: I'm Wesker. What can't I do?

Jill: Can you open this door?

Wesker: -pulls on handle- Well...It's not that I -cant- open the door...I just don't want to.

Jill: We're both going to die now, you know.

Wesker: ...Dammit.

-ceiling touches their heads-

Jill: -sits down on ground and looks around- Well...what now?

Wesker: -sits beside Jill and eyes her with a smile behind his sunglasses-

Jill: -looks worried- Wesker...why are you looking at me like that...?

**(blank)**

Kevin: -smacks head- Oh my God! I'm so stupid! How could I have not figured out this puzzle? All I had to do was look around the train station for a ripped up notebook that you find in an obscure trashcan in a deserted corner that was really dark and out of the way, copy down the grid of letters on a piece of paper, write down the lines of letters on another piece of paper, connect the letters onthe grid in the order the lines of letters say, and the lines form numbers! It makes so much sense now! That's how you get the combo! -puts in combo in drawer lock and pulls open drawer- Now to get the item that will help me finish this level! -pulls out recovery pill and stares blankly- ...what? It's a recovery item...-looks up a walkthrough on GameFaqs that says this was optional- ...-eye twitches- **DAMN YOU CAPCOM!!!!**

**(blank)**

Ganado 1: So...seen any good movies lately?

Ganado 2: No, I saw Bee Movie but it seriously was a waste of money.

Ganado 1: Aww, that bites. Did you see Resident Evil: Extinction?

Ganado 2: I saw part of it on YouTube. It wasn't that great.

Ganado 1: Who cares? Alice is hot.

Ganado 2: You've got a wife, don't you?

Ganado 1: Yeah. So what? Is it a crime to say that Alice was attractive?

Ganado 2: It might not be a good idea when she's got a butcher knife in her back pocket.

Ganado 1: Right, right...totally forgot about the whole "Lord Saddler, we attack anyone who comes our way" thing.

Ganado 2: Hey, is that an intruder over there? -looks at Leon who is walking through the village shooting down Ganados while Ganados 1 and 2 stand there and watch-

Ganado 1: -Leon kills a man ganado- Oh man! There goes Gary.

Ganado 2: What a prick.

Ganado 1: Amen, brother. -knocks fists with Ganado 2-

Ganado 2: I love you man. We're gonna totally be best buds forever!

Ganado 1: Hell yeah! Should we go take out that guy?

Ganado 2: Yeah! Let's totally take down that blonde pretty boy.

Ganado 1:-picks up pitchfork and looks at Ganado 2- For Narnia!

Ganado 2: -pulls out sickle- For Sparta!

Ganado 1: -runs at Leon and gets a shotgun shell to the head, causing his head to explode-

Ganado 2: OH MY GOD! KENNITO! -rushes to the dissolving body of Ganado 1- Nooooooooo! -looks at Leon- Oh my God! You killed Kenny! You bas----! -gets a shotgun to the head-

**(blank)**

Barry: Hmmm...I wonder where Wesker and Jill are...-walks down hallway, hears voices inside a room- What the...?

Jill: -yells- YES!

Barry: -thinking- (What the hell?!) -pulls out magnum and shoots handle, unlocking door, wrenches open door-

Jill: -looks at Barry- Barry!

Wesker: -calmly looks at Barry- Hello, Barry.

Barry: -looks in the room, the ceiling is halfways down, and Jill and Wesker are playing cards- ...what were you doing?

Jill: -blinks- Playing cards.

Barry: ...-blushes- But I heard you scream "yes".

Jill: I won.

Wesker: Yeah, Barry. What were you thinking we were doing?

Barry: Um...never mind...why's the ceiling halfway down?

Jill: The ceiling started coming down, and Wesker and I were trapped in.

Barry: Well...then how come it stopped?

Wesker: I stopped it. -points to a broom stick that is standing upright and keeping the ceiling from moving down-

Jill: Thanks for opening the door. We were starting to wonder how we would get out.

Barry: Well then...I'll just leave you two alone...-walks away-

Wesker: -when Barry's out of earshot he bursts out laughing- I can't believe he fell for it!

**(blank)**

**--------------------------------------------**

What were Jill and Wesker doing, I wonder...? oO

Well then...That was...odd...did you enjoy this? This is just me venting out random ideas. If people like this, I'll write more Give me your feedback, please and thanks!

Inspired by S.T.A.R.S.StuntDoubles' "RE: Channel Surfing" and Robot Chicken.

And I promise, the next story to be updated will be Resident Evil 4: "Things Can Always Get Much Worse" and then "Funeral For a Friend". I just needed to vent out some randomness.

-Loser.Who.Loves.Steve-


End file.
